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I slowly faded out, as my body went intosome kind of weird auto pilot...The wedding from that point on proceeded without a hitch... but I don'treally remember it. I just walked, stood, nodded, and clapped when Ineeded to, and generally reacted to everything in stunned but friendlysilence... while also choosing desperately to ignore the moment mygroomsmen partner looked me up and down with his eyes as we walkedaround.As the after party started up eventually, I broke away, thanking Ericand Miranda for the "fun", and the invite. They both thanked meprofusely for saving the big day. But I didn't really hear what theysaid, I was so out of it.I drove home in silence. I felt sober for the first time in months. Thistime, I really did feel silly. The dress around me shouldn't be on me.The boobs on my chest shouldn't be there. For the first time in months,Alex was actually back. And he was finally ready to stop all this forgood.I parked the car and pulled out my phone.I texted Felicia. Sometimes thoughit's arranged for us to meet in an upscale restaurant where he can showme off to his friends as his most recent girlfriend, the kind ofgorgeous, witty woman he often attracts. Or I can seem to be a blinddate and this time he's gotten incredibly lucky, and because I know hefeels that way I can take charge of the evening -- we can enjoyourselves at a concert or play, and then I can take him back to hishotel, or his home, or wherever. Sometimes back here, because it'sconvenient and familiar and secure and I crave him and anyhow my husbandis out of town." But what if I'm not out of town?" I asked, interrupting. "What if I'mhere and very much in evidence?"She waved her hand impatiently. One of her breasts lifted and fell withthat hand. "I've told you already, haven't I? Mostly, you're not here,though you can be I'm told, if you're disguised as house staff.Whatever, when he's gone the next morning, the company will call to findout how everything went, whether there.
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