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The elder took Martha to a fortune-teller, and she got better of her difficulty. I borrowed money of my aunt and, giving Martha all I could, went back to London. She left the neighbourhood.I saw Martha two years afterwards, when visiting again my aunt; she was in household service, and was out for the day. I waylaid her, hoping to have her again; we kissed and fondled, and with difficulty I felt her quim but could not accomplish my wishes; she was going to be married, and soon after I heard that she was. Sarah also was going to be married to a farm labourer, and when I joked her about his finding her out, she laughed and said, “Lord, he war my first sweetheart,” from which I inferred that cousin Fred was mistaken about taking her virginity.My first cunt-licking and cock-sucking took place with Martha; I had never before played such amatory pranks, and all came about by instinct. For a long time I was ashamed of myself and never breathed a word on such subjects to anyone; I don’t. It didn't mean anything except we were friends.I was changing, I knew that. Something was different about me, but I wasn't all of a sudden gonna be a total girl. Was I? That wasn't gonna happen! Could it? I wasn't going to start wearing dresses and panties and high heels all the time. I wasn't ever going to school like that! No way! But in Jody's bedroom? Yeah, I'd do it for her and it was pretty fun, just teasing her, I mean. And the way she looked at me? I liked that a lot, and maybe I was and maybe I could be, and maybe..."I wish your hair was longer," she said, sitting back and looking at my face. "Don't do that." My lips taste funny," I said, licking them and getting a frown from Jody. "You put too much." I just put a little!" I can taste it!" Stop licking your lips!" God. I feel like a clown." You're gonna look like a clown if you keep doing that! Stand up." Do I look okay?" Fuck!" Jody rolled her eyes. "You're totally hot." Don't say that." What? You are hot!" No. Stop.
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