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Believe that he’s there. Then there’s light and the shower is still running. I leave it on even though the water bill is too high to pay. I like the sound of the water rushing over me. Let the water pour. Clean and hot and desensitizing, destroying prints and calluses, burning away bacteria, boiling needles to the surface of my skin. Mindless, hopeless activity. I sit in the shower without forgiven and need and lust and longing. The scars will never vanish. Never fade completely. But remind me of the torture of trust, the fool who gives over. The emptiness that follows desire. All of it written in stitches across the scars and curves of fingerprints from homemade thread and sewn with the needles that were thrown at me. I say you must move on because the only way to live is for yourself. But the mirror doesn’t believe me. It remembers how he said he’d die for me and believes that there is another way. Still, it knows that he read my hands and prints and strategically placed the. I had a visible bulge in my pants, which is always fun to see who glances as I fill my morning coffee. During that work day, I pulled it out a couple times under my desk, slowly edging it to the bring while checking out the hot woman at the cubicle across from me. It is so thrilling to be in an orgasmic state, right in front of people and they have no idea. By Friday, I was in an almost constant state of arousal. I walked around with a foggy head all the time, undressing everyone with my eyes. By this point it would only take a couple of tugs to get fully hard and be ready to shoot everywhere. I could sneak a quick one in, pretty much anytime no one was looking. By the end of day two, every time I would go to touch it, I would start to leak. Not a lot of cum, and easy enough to clean up, or lick off my hand so no one would see. Saturday is when it got interesting. We woke early and drove to the in-laws lake house. We planned a quick overnight visit. When everyone went out to swim, I.
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