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I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in. Carla's friend Yvette was sitting on the spare bed with Nico and Jon, two more of Jamal's black friends. I was shouting, "No fucking way that's enough now Carla." "No Tony it isn't enough. When Jamal told Patrice, Nico and Jon about your wonderful cocksucking ability they wanted to try you out too. And Yvette wanted to watch, so what is the problem?" I said, "You can't just pass me around to whoever you want, and get your friends to watch." "Oh yes I can Tony, remember the video recordings? Anyway you love sucking black cock so shut up and get on with it as Sue will be home in under two hours and you have 3 more big black cocks to suck first." "Make that four, I'm ready again" said Jamal.I resigned myself to the fact I was going to have to do it or my wife could get to know about what I have been doing. So three new big black cocks were waving in front of my face so I set to work. Yummy, I licked up and down Patrice's beautiful straight cock, although not as large as Jamal's it was.
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