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"Nicola! What is the matter?"Now she sounded like my mum! "Do I look different to you?" I asked."What a funny thing to ask!" said Gail and held the door open in apointed manner.I shrugged and focussing on the hat stand by the door, like a noviceswimmer fixated on the opposite side of the pool. Discounting a wildidea to wander down to the coffee shop in my nearly bare feet I set offon my first high heeled expedition.And made it!And breathed again; I hadn't actually realised I'd been holding mybreath. As much as I wanted to high-five somebody, I flashed a weaksmile Gail's way and picked up my jacket. I might be wider across thechest and hips, I might have masses of auburn curls crowding myperipheral vision, but I was still mobile."Have I missed something?" Gail wondered with raised eyebrows.I shook my head.She tutted and headed down the corridor.Buoyed by my new found confidence in heels I hurried to catch up andnearly ripped my skirt. Having a newly stretched pelvis I should havebeen. In the Big Rock Candy MountainsAll the cops have wooden legsAnd the bulldogs all have rubber teethAnd the hens lay soft-boiled eggsThe farmers’ trees are full of fruitAnd the barns are full of hayOh I’m bound to goWhere there ain’t no snowWhere the rain don’t fallThe winds don’t blowIn the Big Rock Candy Mountains. In the Big Rock Candy MountainsYou never change your socksAnd the little streams of alcoholCome trickling down the rocksThe brakemen have to tip their hatsAnd the railway bulls are blindThere’s a lake of stewAnd of whiskey tooYou can paddle all around itIn a big canoeIn the Big Rock Candy Mountains In the Big Rock Candy Mountains, The jails are made of tin.And you can walk right out again, As soon as you are in.There ain’t no short-handled shovels, No axes, saws nor picks, I’m bound to stayWhere you sleep all day, Where they hung the jerkThat invented workIn the Big Rock Candy Mountains.I’ll see you all this coming fallIn the Big Rock Candy Mountains ‘That’s the hobo idea.
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