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We figured if we managed to wrap up things quickly enough we could head back to the city the same day and use the last vacation day to do something fun. Unfortunately the estate agent got delayed and it was noon by the time we were finally able to leave Max’s hometown, Shelby. I was pretty sure he was never going to return to that place ever again- he had no reason to anymore- and yet, I was a little surprised that he didn’t turn around to look back even once, not even when he pulled out of the driveway of his old home for one last and final time. Traffic crawled at a snail’s pace on our drive back and it was past midnight when we finally reached the city. Max was wiped out by the time we finally reached his place. I wanted to take a cab back to my apartment but he refused to let me leave alone that late and insisted that I spend the night at his. ‘You already have your bag with you.’ Was the reason he offered, for why I should stay the night. I woke up the next morning cocooned in. I can't call him to find out if he's all right, and he doesn't call me. I hate it!"I turned her hand and kissed her palm. Her fingers were trembling."How much do you hate it?" Mary asked."Not enough to tell him to take a hike. When... if he comes back to me, I'll move into his arms and hold him close. I love him, dammit. Sometimes I wish I didn't. And I'm holding back. He doesn't have all of me, and each time he leaves, when he returns, I give him less of me than he had before. He knows this. He knows I'm pulling away from him. I can see it in his eyes — the hurt, I mean. I'm hurting him, but I can't stop it. Hurting him is the last thing I want to do, but I must protect myself because..." The tears welling in her eyes overflowed and streaked her cheeks. "Because someday he won't come back. If that happens and I've given him all that I am, I won't survive the grief. I'm holding back to survive, and that feels so selfish of me." Surviving isn't being selfish, Grace," I said."Sure it.
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