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Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.Then they call me ugly and poor.How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?One, they're efficient and not very funny.What do you call a dog with no legs?It doesn't matter; it's not going to come.Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.You have my Word.What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?A pool table.Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.Poor bastard.I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.Even the cake was in tiers.We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.Runs in our jeans.A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar.The bartender gave it to her.Want to hear a word I just made up?Plagiarism.Why do cows wear bells?Because their horns don't work.What did the pirate say when he turned 80?Aye Matey.To. .I think I was actually getting high from just the idea of shopping with her in my favorite store!As I really thought about it, however, I calmed down and came to the conclusion that I already had all of those things and the only thing I really wanted was to have her choose a harness that would enable her to fuck me in the ass with my Luxe (I call him Luke) vibrating 8" dildo. So that's where my head was but expressing these thoughts to her was a whole different matter.Eventually, after many stores and many purchases, we returned to the car and our conversation came back around to the subject."Have you thought about what you might like from your little sex shop?" She asked...I paused again. I wanted to tell her the truth, but I feared her response. I just sat in the driver's seat and stared straight ahead for a minute (which seemed like an eternity.)"Honey, that's ALL I've been thinking about." I slowly responded..."Well, well.." she said as her eyes opened wide "what are you thinking.
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