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He had a job that helped us have a home. He worked 40 yrs at the same place. He was intelligent, but I don't know, he always wished things were better but never made an effort. Do I wish that he made more money, buy us more things, make some friends, fight the world, and be my hero? May be, I did. Now I respect him for whatever he did. If he was happy being worried, sad, lonely, sick, I am happy for him. He died before I could reach him, never told us he had heartburn on exertion. He feared hospitals, but I wish he made an effort to tell me. I could not give him everything. I might have operated him myself, provided better vascularisation, extended his life, decreased his misery a bit. I ll never know.He loved us the way he could, I guess we did the same too. But, but, but as long as I m alive, I wish we could have been better dad-son. Wish I was stupider. Wish I could enjoy TV along with him, or be there every day making life for him, or I was never born so he could spare the time. " What you tell me is true?" He forced tears up as he sat down on thebags of rice in the corner, grabbing a bottle of whiskey as he sat. Hetook a long drink."Yes it's all true. I wonder why we bother continuing. There's notmuch to look forward to." Dwayne handed her the bottle. His story wastroubling, but if true, made her very afraid. She took a couple oflong sips herself, coughing from the burn of the whiskey going down herthroat."I want to go outside." Dwayne, convinced he was in the clear, pickedhis head up."Liz, we are simply not going to have this discussion again." No Dwayne, we are going to have this conversation. I want to seefirst hand what's out there. I am tired of being cooped up in here."He stood up."No Liz, we are not, it's too dangerous." I don't give a shit, you just got done saying there is nothing to livefor, so screw it, let's live on the edge." Liz, I didn't really mean that." She looked at him with a seriousstare."Well Dwayne, I mean it, I want out. I.
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