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I felt stranded and lost. Exposed and manipulated. All I really wanted to do was go out and have a good time being the person I want most to be. I dressed cute because of the occasion and made myself up to make me feel good. I felt trapped in my femininity.As two hours quickly passed I decided to arrive slightly earlier than planned. Before going up to his room in the hotel I stopped by an ATM machine and withdrew as much as my bank would allow me. My reasoning was that I could offer this guy money, buy him off as it were in exchange for my car keys. I arrived knocking on the door and was greeted by the sight of this man (still never got his name) shirtless waving me to get inside the room.He didn't waste time in telling me what to do. Placing my car keys down on a night stand next to him; he sat in the corner of the room slightly in the dark watching me walk and model my designer leggings heels clicking as I tried not to tremble. I had not time to even bring up "buying" my keys back. It didn't work out ... although now I guess I understand that if I'd really wanted one I could have gotten one. That's another story. I didn't give Ruth a chance. We had a very pleasant conversation this afternoon while I waited for your call. We cleared the air. She really isn't any different from me. She saw she could goad me and she did it. I saw I could intimidate her and I did it. We're not going to do that anymore. I took a page out of the Andy Drayton book. I spoke plainly to her and actually listened when she spoke plainly to me. It took me a minute to understand that Ruth hadn't changed one bit since the first of the year. I had changed though. She said, given what I've told her about you, that I'm becoming more like you." God, I hope not," Andy said. "I'm about as fucked-up a person as you'll ever meet." I realized that how a person views himself isn't always reality," Regan said. "It was the same way with me. Andy, I want you to think for a moment about how others react to.
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