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PETERSON (voice over): Unlike Molly Kearns, Tallan was known amongst thestudents at St. Joseph's prior to her transformation.PETERSON: How did you cope?TALLAN: I tried to bury myself in hockey. I figured that if I just wentto the rink and practiced every day, I would forget what happened to me.CUT TO: St. Joseph's rink - women's gamePETERSON (voice over): Tallan found it difficult to adjust to thewomen's game. She was called for several penalties in her first fewgames because her rough, physical style that she had been used to as aman did not work in the women's game, where body checking is notallowed.TALLAN (voice over): I just kept getting called for checking, which issomething that the boys are allowed to do. I understood fairly quickly,but I guess old habits die hard. Those first few road games helped meout a lot, though.CUT TO: Interview - Suzanne TallanTALLAN: Some of the girls on the other team would say hello to me andwere very understanding. Molly really helped me to adjust,. Bridging this gap is something I am still learning. I have to remind myself as his sub that it is not about me. As his sub I must learn to be patient and wait until He tells me to do something. For example I would like to have some Ben wa balls so that I can train my vaginal muscles to be tight despite all the stretching they regularly endure. The vanilla me wants to rush out and buy some and start using them. As a sub I have to learn to be patient and wait. He will decide if and when I get them - and if and when I am to wear them for his pleasure. It is not about me. Being a Master carries responsibility and thought. This must be demanding and I can imagine that He needs a break sometimes. If I wish for attention and my Master is tired or busy or simply not in the mood I am learning to hold back from demanding from him and remind myself: It is not about me. As long as he is contented them so am I. Something is struggle with is when my Master gives a lot of his attention to.
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