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***** I wasn’t always this way, broken and demented, torturing myself emotionally to distract from a deeper ache. I use to be wholesome. I was the girl with ambition and drive, searching for clarity in the ambiguity of the life I was living and the world I was merely a grain of sand in. I was confident, and still am in ways that don’t seem to matter anymore. Where I lost it was in my ability to achieve… and to make good decisions. Don’t mistake me, this is not a story of a girl’s fall from grace. This is the recap upon realization that I did not fall, I pranced joyously, despite the bittersweet nature of the journey, into the fire and reveled in my own burns. I basked in the smells singeing skin and found pleasure in the gut wrenching pain. I suppose I have him to thank for this epiphany, but if you knew our relationship you would understand the difficulty of my saying he has done anything right, even if unintentional. He is, most simply put, an asshole. I’ll expand on that in a. . That might save her for a bit. They had dinner plans with several friends, and if he got home too late, the bomb wouldn’t go off until after dinner. And then, if dinner ran late, maybe she’d put it off until morning. There wasn’t much hope beyond that. Too nervous to sit, she walked out of the living room, down the hall and into the bathroom. She peed. God, what a day. The bomb had happened on the way to work. She really should have texted him right then. But she just couldn’t. All day she’d thought of nothing except the ticking bomb... She washed her hands and then checked herself in the mirror. After getting home, she’d dressed for him, hoping that would get her some mercy. Please him. His favorite skirt--a black pin-stripe with a nice, high slit that showed off her ‘lovely’ legs. Her four inch pumps that he loved her in--often making her wear those and nothing else around the house. Stockings and a garter belt. Her hands adjusted her deep blue blouse, no bra, and then she.
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