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Immediately, I felt as if someone had punched me in my guts. I suppressed a surge of renewed tears. I needed a distraction, quick, so I decided to set up the table for breakfast and set up some coffee.Upon seeing my efforts, Mom unknowingly teased she should have thought of hiring a babysitter earlier. Little did she know her words stung like needles to the already torn shreds my heart now consisted of.During the last few weeks of summer vacation, I did my best to distract myself from Emily. I was helping my parents wherever I could, went to the groceries, read actual books—schoolbooks, even—tried to finish some of Dad's procrastinated bricolage, just anything to keep my mind busy. Still, I cried myself to sleep every night. I was moping, mourning a loss far greater than what I had so far experienced.Although my parents didn't act like it or ask, I was pretty sure they felt something was afoot. They were unusually comprehensive for my little teenage outbursts I tried but often failed. Yes. My hands felt the soft skin of my cheek. But my hands, they were so large and blocky. And they were attached to large arms, and big shoulders. This would not do. I imagined the slight frame I should have, and watched my upper body transform into a proper feminine frame. I had the small wrists I would need to wear bracelets again. My shoulders were small, and my arms thin. My smaller upper body, made my breasts look even bigger but there was still one thing wrong. Between my legs, the dress was being propped up like a pole holding up a tent. It was embarrassing to have a bulge like that between my legs! I set my mind to imaging my proper genitalia. And I smiled with my pouty lips, as I saw the pole collapse, and I felt it pull back inside me. I imagined the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and other parts inside me which were now re-forming themselves, putting my internal house in order, as it were. I was hit with a head rush as the estrogen I was now producing flowed into my.
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