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After I parked in the garage under the apartment building where I lived, there were a few people waiting for the elevators. I'd seen them in the building before, but I didn't pay much attention to them; I just couldn't wait to start slaughtering alien invaders again. As it was, I had a boner fantasizing about Gordon Freeman, the hero of the game, getting it on with Alyx Vance, his female sidekick. I was sure glad that I was wearing baggy jeans!My guy friends tell me that I'm never going to meet a girl hiding out in my apartment playing video games, but I'm such a dweeb when it comes to women. I'd already wasted too much of my life trying to meet women in clubs; after the umpteenth put-down from asking a woman to dance or something, I said, "Never more!" And even reputable dating services are more interested in bleeding you for every last cent than in helping you find a perfect match.The elevator in front of me opened, so I was the first one in. Three short Chinese women and a. Santa either didn't know or didn't care. After all, it would be no trouble to fit a change of clothes into the toy bag and let Rudolph take the helm for a few minutes while you were changing. Other than hitting an air pocket while applying makeup the job was simplicity itself.Santa began to smooth her skirt and I emerged from my reverie and remembered I was the host here and offered Santa the traditional milk and cookies. Hefting the pack of gifts over her shoulder, Santa followed me into the kitchen, where we talked for what seemed like hours. The same magic that hid the beard shadow evidently worked on clocks too, as the hand of the clock over the stove never moved the whole time we talked. You wouldn't believe the things I learned that night. I found that there wasn't a Mrs. Santa, the rumors came from a time when Santa had been spotted by an unexpected Arctic exploration team and what was there to do but carry it off as best she could? Santa told me that she missed being able to.
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