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I wore my sackcloth and ashes hard over my previous sex deviations for a few years, at first I really hated myself for what I'd "done." The "dog" thing was the worst guilt trip I suppose. I felt a total pervert for actually "doing it" with dogs but I told myself mentally that it had all been down to his 'encouragement'. I'd done it all "for him", not me. He "made" me... I know now this was totally untrue but in my mind then I had started to believe it myself! I brainwashed myself into a sort of mental 'get out'. It all creased me mentally after the divorce, for perhaps three years in all. I felt awful and just shut it all out, I really did feel like a pervert over my past. I hated sex or even feeling remotely sexy myself. I shut sex out. Paddy married his "cabin boy" after our divorce and being a sailor like him she was much more "use" to him in the boatyard. The business got back on its feet again (in truth due to her partnership influx) and I decide to leave the South Coast and all. And across from me, smirking like a mad monkey, was John Hollins, my best bud, who nonetheless always gets a kick out of needling me. Me, I'm a freshman too. My teachers all think that I'm smarter than most of the seniors, though. Other than my advanced intellect, I'm pretty average. I shot another glimpse at the clock. Two fifty-seven. The last period on Friday is always the longest time of the week. Have you ever noticed that? I was sitting there, trying not to fall asleep as the teacher droned on and on- and on, and on- about the problems Russia and the Eurasian Republics have been facing ever since the collapse of the Soviet Union, and the racial backgrounds of the Caucasians, and the nuclear disaster at Chernobyl, and a bunch of other useless facts that adults never use but say that we'll need someday. Two fifty-nine. C'mon, clock, spare me! This madness must end! I don't know why the principal insists that the teachers keep right on doing their thing up until the bell actually.
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