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”“You’re confusing me!”“Think about something you’ve never done, like driving a car. How do you prepare for that?”“You take driver’s ed.”“So you sit in a classroom and they tell you stuff and talk about what to expect and how to react and so on. But then what happens? You walk out, get in the car, and they tell you to drive. You’ve never driven, you’ve only ever talked about it. But they expect you to drive. And guess what, most people do OK. That said, you aren’t completely prepared because you haven’t actually encountered the issues, and you haven’t had to react. But you can think about what you might do.“They start you out slow, perhaps in a parking lot, or something like that to get you used to turning the wheel and using the gas and brake pedals. As you become comfortable, they take you on quiet streets, then busier streets, then on the freeway. Each thing builds on the previous one. So even if you don’t know the exact thing that might happen, you learn ways to deal with things. For over five years I did the part-time stints. Our marriage grew further and further apart. It was either me being home or the money. Bev stopped arguing with me because if I quit the jobs she couldn’t have some of the luxuries to which she had become accustomed. I was lucky if we had sex once a month. Other than shooting my rocks off, I felt no love from Bev. Maybe I wasn’t giving any love either but I guess maybe I didn’t see it that way at the time. In my career as a cop, I’m not going to say I didn’t get a little on the side now and then. It did happen. Whenever I got home and my wife wanted nothing to do with me, I usually got pissed off, got back in my car, went to the local watering hole and sometimes found someone as lonely as me. The first couple of times I really felt bad about it. But after awhile it was just a fuck, a way to release the pressures a cop deals with. I knew I wouldn’t get any at home. Believe it or not the women meant nothing to me. Maybe I was trying to.
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