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By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘Mr. Drover, how are you feelin’?’... ‘Now yer honor, wot da fock would you say?’“Beer Stories”Three friends are sitting around their favorite pub. The first guy says “Hey guys, I know this other bar where you go in and every third drink that you order, you get the next one free. On top of t hat, about 1/4 of the time I go in there, I get lucky!” The second guy says, “That’s nothing! I know this bar where you get every other drink on the house, and I get lucky there about 1/2 the times that I go in.” The third. " What am I going to do about them? I mean things are so serious...Well notyet, but they're about to be. You heard us talking on the phone back at thehotel. They miss me and I'm talking about the kids too." But I thought you liked Ken and his kids." I do, but it's really screwing with my head, because this is for real andsomeone could get hurt. How in the hell can I be a real girlfriend or maybeeven a wife to a man who is old enough to my dad? And the kids! Ben is only3 years younger than me and what do I know about little girls? It's not likeI'm going to teach her to wrestle or play football, and I sure as hell can'tdo that with Ben." Think about it this way," Mom said. "You've done wonderfully, so far. Andyou know how I know this? It's because of the way you talked to them on thephone. They love you, Nancy. And for crying out loud, you don't have to beperfect. You want to be like me? Well I'm sure as hell not perfect." You're perfect to me," I said."And you'll be perfect for.
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