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"Week 14How come I seem to be in a state of constant fear?What if my lover calls? What if he doesn't? What if someone sees us together? Can I call him? Should I call him? When should I call him? Am I acting differently? Dressing differently? Do I smell differently? When I'm not busy obsessing about these questions, I play over all of the possible outcomes in my head until it spins.Week 15Guarding my damn computer and cell phone is now my full-time job. I try to keep our communication to the bare minimum, still I have to arrange those risqué rendezvous. Which means my computer and cell phone likely harbor all sorts of damning evidence.I suffer regular panic attacks wondering if I actually left my laptop open. Yesterday, when I forgot my mobile, I had to run home to retrieve it immediately.Week 16I called my lover by my husband's name today and we had a good laugh, but now I worry I'll say the wrong name at the wrong time. It is a constant fear. Over coffee it is a concern; in bed it. But why did you bring her to school?"Gabe replied before I could say anything, "That's my fault, Mr. Brands. Iasked Maren to go to the beach with me this afternoon . She can't leaveher pet at home all day, so I told her to bring her squog with her. Ihope you don't mind?"Mr. Brands gave a thoughtful look, "Well, I don't know. I would haveliked to be asked first." I started to pout at his words but then helaughed looking at me, "No, it's okay. Is it okay for me to study yoursquog while you're working, Maren?" I guess, but she does need her rest sometimes. Maybe you can also feedher later? That is if you don't mind doing that." Oh I don't mind at all. I do have some experience in that sort of thing.In my past I raised some bear cubs that were abandoned by their mothersor fell victim to poachers."I was elated that it worked out so well as we all went into our classroomand began our lesson. We worked quite hard on our lesson ,but sometimes Iglanced at Mr. Brands either playing with Cyn or.
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