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I know that I signed up for this, but not remembering creates a curiously empty feeling in me. Like a significant piece of me exists but somewhere else, unavailable to me and unable to guide me.Not being sure what it is that happens in here makes it somehow more exhilarating, though... I honestly wonder some days whether it's even really a part of my treatment, or my work. If I reported what happens in here in explicit terms, what would the staff tell me? Probably that I'm "still a bit disoriented" by the experience of other minds dreaming in my own. Like I haven't spent enough time with that having worked in the field since I was a fucking teenager. Maybe they'd say they have no idea, and when they investigate they'd just destroy it. Or kill it. Whatever it is, I don't believe it deserves to simply cease. Something is obviously curious about me – or us perhaps – but in four years it has never once done harm to my knowledge. It probably doesn't matter anyway. The air is. She had even started arranging it so I was her last delivery for that van-load, so she could go back to the store after our coffee, to get ready for her next round of deliveries. It had reached the stage where she would knock and then just walk in, knowing that because I was expecting her, I would already have the front door unlocked for her.Because it was a Saturday, there were a few occasions where I would oversleep, and then had to rush downstairs wearing just my usual short robe to make our coffee and enjoy my time with her, and I did notice on those occasions that she seemed very interested in what the robe showed off.It was a weekend when my next-door neighbour, Alison, had called round early to borrow something, coffee I think it was, and we had been talking about Annie. Alison felt Annie was only interested in the possibility of a bit of casual sex,"That is fine with me," I told her, "I have nothing against sex just for fun."."So why have you not given her the invitation.
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