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.."Hi guys, what's up?" Julie said.I was floored. Julie and her guy had come up to us and I hadn'tnoticed. She had caught me kissing Ron on her deck! I was mortified,but I tried to regain my composure. We all introduced ourselves andchatted a few minutes. Then Julie and her guy went back into the partyto dance. I told Ron I needed some time and I left him on the deck.I went into Julie's back bedroom and shut myself in. I sat down on hercouch and started to cry a little bit, I had such a huge crush on Julieand here I ruined everything! I was alone for about ten minutes, whenRon came knocking on the door."Hi sweetie, what's wrong?" You know what's wrong, I have a huge crush on Julie and now it's allruined!"I cried a little more, he sat next to me and tried to console me a bit.He was petting my hair, holding my hand, and soothing me. I had toadmit it helped and I was feeling a little better. I looked up at himagain, sitting next to me on the couch and again our eyes held. Heleaned down. Ten minutes later, with the three of us settled in their den with beers in our hands, I told them my news."WHAAAAT!" my brother demanded."You can't," Caitlyn protested."I am, I'm leaving the company," I repeated."No fucking way," my brother insisted."I have to. It's not working," I said softly."Of course it's working." There's not enough for me to do. Christ, Dad doesn't trust me to empty the waste basket."And he didn't! My father loved me, always had, and I'd known it growing up, but I'd also always known I was number two in his eyes. Adam had always been held up as what I could be. I'd never quite made it!Looking back on it now it's a miracle I didn't end up hating my brother. Being continually compared unfavorably to him. It was just an unending stream of comments, comments like: 'Why can't you be as good as your brother', or 'but Adam got ninety in math his first year', or 'Adam scored fifteen touchdowns', and on and on. No matter what I did, dad immediately compared my.
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