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Infatuation is exciting. You need to feel free to express your excitement around me. I you feel compelled to hide your feelings from me I fear we'll drift apart or even worse, you'll grow to resent me. I have to experience your infatuations from beginning to end several times. That's the only way I can hope to become confident that they're only temporary. Once I gain that confidence I think it's possible I might even be able to enjoy the excitement of a new infatuation with you. That's going to take time and I think it will be easier for both of us if we try to do it while I'm away." Jeanne was silent. Amy said. "Jeanne, he's right. I can tell that you're already infatuated with Trent" "But it's only temporary. Michael you're the only man I want to spend the rest of my life with. You'll always be that man." I said, "I know that Jeanne, but right now your thoughts and fantasies are focused on Trent, aren't they." Quietly Jeanne answered, "Yes." "Think about how you'd feel if I was. " No problem Rob, I'll stay in touch."That was it, we had just plotted the end of my marriage, and in some ways I was elated and in others, I was deeply depressed. You can't go from being madly in love with someone for over ten years suddenly to stop loving them, hate them instantly; sure, but love is a more deeply set emotion, most times it builds slowly with time and becomes a part of your entire being, and in some cases it becomes your whole life. That is what happened with me.Jan became my life, what I lived for, what I got up in the morning for, why I went to work each workday. She is why I hated her traveling because it meant that she was not home when I wanted her to be. I hated my traveling because it took me away from her. Then to find out that I was a forgotten entity, an afterthought to her life, it killed something inside of me that I thought was strong and could withstand any adversity. To find out what I did and the way it happened, forced that love and devotion down.
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