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I missed Aai. Those two weeks of shooting was one of the worst phases of my life. It was hard to watch my Neil, my Sweetpea hanging out with that bitch Smita. They would laugh together, eat together, click photos together, address the press conference together.I would think "Why Sweetpea, why did you do this to me? Why did you break my heart?" And then I would envision a vampiric visage of Neil with pale white skin and red eyes yelling at me "Is it my fault that I am hot? I don't even know that you love me. So on what grounds are you blaming me for something I didn't do, you imbecile?" And I would wake up at night, with my clothes and the bed sheets soaked in my sweat.He's right. He doesn't even know that I love him. How can I blame him for my heart break? I alone am responsible for this. Realising the harsh reality, I would cry holding a pillow, praying to God that my tears wash away Neil's memories.But it seems God wants me to suffer. Maybe Aai's affection can help me forget Neil.I. There was no suicide note found on the scene. He was found by his eldest son Kenneth, at approximately nine pm.”I looked over and saw the two ladies holding each other and crying in each other’s arms. Kalista grabbed my arm, crying as well. Claire and I looked at each other, then she laid her head on my shoulder and it was quiet for a while. The only sounds were of us all crying.After a couple of moments, I looked down and saw a note from Ken after the newspaper story.“There’s more – from Ken.”“I am sorry you all had to find out this way, I’d been checking in on John from time to time to see how he was doing. Nobody needs to come home, unless Mom wants to. William and Sammi, Sarah’s living siblings, are having a very small graveside service the day after tomorrow. I was asked to attend the Disposition of Assets tomorrow. I will email or call you with what I found out. Talk to you then.”Love Ken and Sarah Jane.”The tears started again, as Mom and I exchanged places, letting me hold my.
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