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The next morning, I woke up grudgingly. Today was going to be particularly horrible, when in reality, it should be one of the best days of my teenage life. But my anxiety was at an all time high. I couldn’t believe I had another panic attack last night. That was the third one this week. But no matter was my anxiety level, I had become an expert of hiding what I was really feeling. That was the reason I began writing in the first place. I needed an out. However, these days, it just doesn’t seem to be enough. I shoved my nightmare to the back of my mind, sighed and threw the covers off me. I made my way over to my closet. I paused, looking down at my pajamas, which only caused me to groan. I must have slept on my arm. My shirt had lines of dried blood all over it. I studied the damage I had inflicted the night before, feeling disgusted. There were three cuts total marring the pale skin of my forearm, one for each episode this week. I don’t know what made me pick up the scissors that. I'm actually afraid tot ell my best friend that I don't really know how to masturbate. Maybe I should tell her and ask her for pointers. Maybe then I wouldn't have to fake my orgasms anymore.Days later I was still thinking about whether or not I was gay and if I should ask Melissa to teach me how to masturbate. It's not like I never got off. I did quite often. It's just when I did orgasm it was never as strong as Melissa's orgasms and it took me a lot longer to reach that point. I had decided for sure I was gonna tell that I though I might be gay as well. At the very least we could have a bit of fun together. I told her that night when she got home from work and she just smiled and dragged me back to her bedroom. She turned on the radio and had me strip for her. She sat in her bed I began and when I finished I realized Melissa and fallen asleep. I ran to my room and threw myself on my bed in tears because my strip was so boring that Melissa had fallen asleep. I couldn't do.
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