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Eventually, I would give birth while Jesse was out working on an oil rig. It was the only life we could get and I would raise my child in my parents’ basement. We found a place to move into two years after the baby was born. That was the week they died. It would be the day I found out they’d left everything to my husband. We never packed. Just moved into the master bedroom with my daughter in my former room.“Let this cup pass from me,” I whispered as I bowed my head at the back of the church. That was what Jesus prayed. And look what it got him. I begged God for answers. I begged him to take me back to my own time. I begged him to let me die and just be dead. I was in hell. I’d suffer through birth, marriage to a bastard, the disapproval of my parents, the shame of my classmates. I’d live in the same house I was born in until the day I finally cut free and divorced him. I’d get a job selling real estate and carefully save as much as I could. I’d push Jesse until he actually made. I told him, and I can still remember this, ‘Maybe I don’t want to be your girlfriend again, okay? Ever consider that? Sorry for cheating, but maybe I did us both a favor.’ He was really pissed after that, so I ran out of his room again and declined every phone call from him. It was the 90s, you know. Straight to voicemail with every call.“Anyway, even with Joe, it hadn’t been that great, and I wasn’t entirely sure why it was so good with you, Mark. I started all but stalking you, but for some reason, I didn’t quite feel brave enough to approach you. I was afraid that you were so drunk that you wouldn’t remember me and that I would only embarrass myself. So I tried to satisfy the urges with Joe for a bit. We were shower fuckbuddies for a while and I even spent a week at his new pad before we tired of each other and moved on. No matter what, though, the sex with Joe didn’t satisfy me. I enjoyed it, a lot, but I was still aware of just how horny I was ... constantly, too.“I didn’t know.
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