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The movie she had selected was on one of the cable channels and while there wasn't any real nudity, it was a bit steamy.As we sat staring at the movie, watching a man and women kissing and touching each other, I felt my vagina twitch. The combination of watching Cindy's neighbors and what I had seen my parents doing the night before was having an effect on me. The show was apparently affecting Cindy too, because when I looked down at her I could see she was rubbing herself. The sheet that covered her crotch was moving and I knew it was her hand causing the motion.Out of the blue, Cindy said, "You have to kiss me." What did you say, Cindy?" I said you have to kiss me. That's the bet, you lost and you have to kiss me." What if I would have won?" You didn't win, Jen. I did so I get to pick." Pick something else. I don't want to kiss you." You have to. You lost, I won and I want you to."I leaned close to her and kissed her cheek. "There!" Not that kind of kiss, Jen. I want a real kiss,. I was just in love with the feminine changes I saw happening in myself. I also started to massage my breasts sometimes and especially played with my nipples, which all was more exciting that I had ever expected.But now I also started feeling very guilty about all this and the bad feelings increased as my physical changes got more and more visible. Somehow this guilt trip didn't affect my autogynephilic fantasies. I was dressing on and off in front of the mirror and posing and just getting aroused by what I saw.It was in a way like I was producing my own sex strip show and getting sexually aroused by it. I always felt low after having done it and I felt like a badly mentally sick criminal or something!I did wear skirts and dresses but that started very late in my transition. I wasn't encouraged to wear them by my parents and I felt very out of place dressed in such female clothes in public in front of them since my original intention wasn't to become a female in public.My mother.
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