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In fact…the entire time I was there I never once made it to their house. Yet, all my stuff was there….It was with great fear that I accompanied her to the house to get my belongings. I was relieved that they were not home and I never once ran into them. It was not that I was so ashamed of what we had done, as being uncomfortable with what they would think of her. I would be leaving, if they thought I was a terrible person, well, so be it. I really could not blame him much. But she lived there and it was a very small town. It could get very uncomfortable for her. We drove around some the next day as she showed me the scenic sights of the little town. She showed me a farm where she had once lived, and a restaurant that she had made plans to treat me to that evening. What a treat that turned out to be. She came out dressed in a little short Fredericks dress and looked like a total knockout. We went to the restaurant, which I think was the only one in the whole town. If I had thought. Did it meananything when measured against individual suffering? Almost certainlynot. It was a word that was tossed about by those that had no empathy,or even remote understanding of what it was supposed to represent. Apithy and useless expression of the generally accepted, '...well that'sfinished, so get on with it'. Utterly useless and insensitive. But itfitted with a 90 second grab on the evening news. Pain as Jo knew very well had few limits. Time might soften the effect,but it did not end it. Only death could do that. The ultimate defeat. Noone escaped. It was only a question of when you surrendered or weredefeated. But then there was the possibility that that very surrendercould be welcomed with open arms as the alternative became impossible.To live, a generally accepted imperative, excepting religious zealots.The fact that almost all religions decried suicide or martyrdom as non-doctrine was irrelevant. If you chose to believe... it was true. Theproblem was Jo no longer knew.
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