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I ignored her.He wedding day approached and I summoned Dr Legge the afternoon of the day before the ceremony was due.“Just a formality doctor, I need to ensure her virginity before the ceremony,” I advised.“Dear god, surely you shan’t pluck your own offspring!” he blustered.“Actually, no, on the contrary,” I confided, “I am reasonably confident she has been plucked frequently by a servant, this is why she must wed, though if by any mischance she has not then we must reconsider the matter entirely.Lavinia was not at all amused to be commanded to appear before doctor Legge, “What is the meaning of this?” she demanded.“The good doctor is required to verify your virginity,” I explained.“Why?” she enquired.“Because,” I explained, “I have the right to every maidenhead within the parishes of my estate, obviously I cannot take your maidenhead, so it must be recorded.”“Pah,” she snapped, “Very well doctor do your worst!” she snapped and she raised her voluminous skirts to reveal her upper. ‘We were both drunk as skunks, you dumb bucket!’ Elaine heard in Timothy’s mind. She smiled, returning her attention to Akbar. “I understand your problem,” the goddess said, sympathetically. “Tell me the events of the day when your friend broke your tractor.”As Akbar tried to envision what to tell the goddess, she could see in his mind the entire series of events leading up to wrecking his tractor.There was a celebration. Akbar had thrown a birthday party for his old friend, Timothy. There were at least fifty people there; neighbors and family members. The food and the barley beer flowed freely. There was barbecuing, games of horseshoe, ball tossing… Everyone was having a good time. The two were lifelong friends basically because they had spent their entire lives competing against each other in everything. One had the prettiest wife, one had the most children, one had the biggest crop…Timothy’s crop the year before had been half a silo larger than Akbar’s had. During the party, Akbar.
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