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Maybe it’s the guilt of knowing I’m not normal, the humiliation of knowing I can’t do that. It’s also maybe the worry of ever being expected to ‘perform’ – though it’s highly unlikely any girl would even consider that, unless it was for money I guess, or charitable.No, I love being a wanker and wouldn’t want to change, and I love it when girls know I’m a wanker. I love the sense of delicious guilt and shame and humiliation – “just pathetic, you wanker!” I particularly love it when a girl knows She makes me cum in my pants seeing Her cleavage, or raising Her skirt nearly to Her knix. Of course it means anywhere I go, if I see a girl showing, I have to try and look. A rainmac is essential because as a compulsive masturbator I have to rub if I see a lovely girl. Normal men obviously think it’s nice seeing a lovely girl in a bikini, or low-cut top, but of course they’ve seen girls nude, been in bed with them, probably got dressed and undressed together and so on. But a wanker like me has. All the monastery boys were. They probably are out right now, about 400 kilometers north of here." Is this what this is, survival training?"I nodded. "It's a yearly requirement for all Security members. There are no exceptions. If you're sick or injured, you just have to suck it up. And there are no rescue missions if you run into trouble." I had no idea! Do all males have to do this?" No, just the Security Guild, and the Holy Militia... Maybe some special weapons teams of the Holy Police too..."Abigail nodded thoughtfully. "And how long will we be out here?" As long as it takes for us to hike back to Jericho. In a straight line, we're seventy kilometers due north of home right now, more than halfway to Cairo in fact." I was referring to another of the world's townships, built near the ancient site of Montreal at 45 o 30' N, 2 o 41' W.I continued. "The terrain isn't bad. We'll probably wind up hiking about ninety kilometers. Part of the test is patience, knowing not to rush and do.
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