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It quieted down quickly. "I know you all want to get to really drinking, but I was the best man, so it's my job to make sure everything goes right. Weena and I have known Charlie longer than anyone here, and I want you all to know that he's a liar and a cheat. He's got a wife and three kids in the opal country and another wife near Cairns." By now Charlie was bright red and Maddy was laughing her head off. "But I know he ain't really too smart, so I've got him an instruction book." Weena held up a copy of The Joy of Sex. "But we knew that Maddy was a bit straight-laced, so we got her a book, too." Weena held up The Complete Illustrated Kama Sutra. Maddy was now as red as Charlie. "Now, we hope you both give those books a good reading. Careful study will make you real good at..." I let my voice trail off. The jackeroos were shouting suggestions of increasingly improbable activities. I lifted a hand. "But there's one ceremony left. If we could have a bit of space, please. And if the. Just lay it all out there. "Um, cock. Sometimes we use cock. Wang, maybe. Uh, prick. Dong." Dong? NOBODY calls it a dong, you moron. Oh boy. This is some seven shades of embarrassing shit. I shrugged my shoulders when I couldn't think of any more words.Mom nodded slowly. Her face was as red as my own. "Dick, cock, wang, dong, and prick, huh," she repeated with a slight smile as my jaw hit the floor. No way was she saying these words. It was like Mary Poppins talking about the finer points of butt fucking!"Vagina?" Pussy." Anything else?" Beaver."Mom raised her eyebrows as I sat there squirming. "Anything else?"Uh. Where was she going with this?"A really rude word beginning with C?"Wow, she really did want to stretch that elastic as far it would go. No way was I saying that word to her face. That word was right at the top of the disgusting scale for disgusting words you never ever say in front of your Mom."C?" You can say it." No I can't, Mom."She sat further forward and looked me.
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