Enough Alex Turner remained that he needed to assert that he hadn'tgiven up on his maleness, and his macho hetero sexuality. He'd had nochoice.It was true. I did feel guilt with regard to what I'd become and thatI'd become it so readily.Even after all this time.I think especially because Kevin had disappeared and I was going tospend the rest of my days as a single woman and mother. I may findmyself seeking comfort, which I'd clearly shown my intent to doalready. So I had to come to terms with it.Relieving myself of all responsibility for my actions was the onlyway I could really make peace with my choices.And it seemed I definitely needed to do that.****So, returning to life beyond the distracting focus that was thewedding, I suffered in silence.Firstly with the morning sickness, which at times became severe enoughto earn the fancy mantle of hyperemesis gravidarum. I had to keep mypregnancy secret for the requisite time. So I couldn't complain or letanyone catch me chucking up.. "We've watched them."I swallowed at the mention of surveillance and demanded to know more."What! You mean closed circuit cameras?"Margaret stared at me and motioned with her head."Come to my apartment Beverly and I'll show you."We both discreetly departed from the common room and I followed her to her rooms. She unlocked the door and then led me through another door via her bedroom to an inner sanctum. As she unlocked this door, the front door buzzer sounded. She explained that one door could not be operated without the other being correctly set thus it was impossible for her to forget to lock both doors or for anybody to enter the inner sanctum unexpectedly. She led me into this inner sanctum and I was amazed.The whole of one wall was a mass of monitors and video recorders. Each one was displaying a different dormitory. Margaret explained how every single pupil in every bed could be monitored as they slept or did anything else. Each pupil's most intimate friendships or activities.
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