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? Therewere four of them and they were young, strong and armed with semi-automatics.?? I was more interested in staying alive thansaving my honor.???? I took a moment to collect mythoughts.? My immediate situation wasdire to say the least.? I was tied to a dirtybed in what appeared to be an abandoned industrial building.? The light slanting through the windowsindicated it was mid afternoon.? A blackman with a shaved head and a ripped physique was raping me.? Three other men, one back and two white, werewaiting their turn. ??? The odd thought popped into my head that Icould get pregnant.? My late husband, Dan,and I had been trying to have a baby for the last three months, so I was offthe pill.? He had died in a boatingaccident two weeks ago.? At least theycalled it an accident when it first happened.?Since it was our boat and I knew Dan was on it when it exploded, Iassumed he was dead.???? But the other day, two FBI agents droppedby to tell me they had found traces of military grade. I've told him that occasionally. I have told him that both directly and indirectly. I often dream that he holds me close as I feel his strength. I dream we make love as a normal heterosexual couple. I dream we do things together. I know he is a very caring and loving individual. I have a need to be with him. It is a new concept for me, but it feels right. My love for him is one reason I would get the surgery, but just one of the reasons. I really AM a woman inside. He would be the added bonus. Nice bonus, though.He has confided in me that occasionally he imagines himself to be female. It is not an all-consuming thing for him like it was for me before I finally made the decision to change. But I'm afraid that, like he once said, "the dam may break." If that happens I'll be there for him when the pronoun becomes "her." That may hurt me, but I do love him, so what he needs will come first.Over the last year or so I have met others like me and have begun friendships. One of these friends.
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