”The Seventy Two Virgins thing was basically on par with a fanfic writer going: “And then Mohammad said that I get a pony and we rode that pony into the Delta Quadrent and Worf was there and he whipped out a lightsaber and started to kill Borg left and right and I banged 7 of 9 while Janeway watched.” And, like, I wasn’t even Muslim! Yeah, despite me sticking up for the accomplishments of the Muslim world during the golden age of Islam (which were worth sticking up for, even if India had invented the zero), and educating all of you from beyond the grave, I didn’t even go to mosque or do the prayer to Mecca thing. My father had fled Iran because he was an atheist. And Mom was a Unitarian Universalist!But, you know, grow up in America, you kinda get used to being called Muslim when you’re brown. And have an Arabic name. And are Arabic.Hey, at least I wasn’t a Sikh. Then I’d get it for wearing a turban too, I’d be a triple threat and have to memorize even more talking points to throw. Upon seeing me she called out, ‘He went that a-way! Get that bastard!’ I hastened to follow the direction of her indication. He was moving faster now. His squat legs pulling at his heavy feet and leaving drag marks through the beautiful sonnets and lively stories. I could hear him crashing through the forest, flatulently spewing his words of hatred and jealously. I was so near I could smell his foul stench. Time to slip on the gas mask. I heard another scream and knew that another author had fallen prey to his hideous assault. I had to stop him. I knew that only bringing him down would restore harmony to Lit Forest once again and I knew that I would not stop until I had pumped his ass full of buckshot. I ran past his latest victim who was hemorrhaging sentences. The slime was still steaming. He couldn’t be far ahead. Another scream and I switched my course. He had made a fatal error. He had taken Loving Wives trail. I would cut him off at BDSM creek. I ran over the top of.
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