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I’m sorry for staring” is all I could stutter out like a fool. “Darling, you can make it up to me, don’t worry.” she said with a sexy but foreign accent I couldn’t quite place to a specific country. Showing her dominance, her left hand took my right hand and she stood me up and led me to follow her to the back of the cart where the seats rowed two by two one in front the other. In a daze I could only follow like a blind sheep as I was being led to this more ‘private’ part of the already empty cart. Placing me in the corner of the last set of seats she boxed me in. I had never experienced such a domineering figure before and felt as if I were in trouble all the while also feeling aroused. “Please……I’m sorry for staring” I croaked out as I found it hard to swallow, my mouth was dry and I felt like there was a lump in my throat. “Shush my darling” her voice calmingly reassured me as her right hand reached my lap and she leaned in and planted her lips onto mine. My eyes. Transitions being neurological in nature can also trigger panic attacks like PTSD. For me, the panic attacks are a problem. Panic attacks trigger the fight or flight response. When I’m afraid of something I kill it. If it’s dead it can’t hurt me. So during a panic attack anything I interpret as aggressive is a direct and immediate threat to my survival. I am a trained fighter. I never had these attacks before my illness.One day my wife raised her voice to me in an angry tone when my back was turned and startled me. I almost attacked her. In over twenty years of marriage I have NEVER raised my hand to her. That moment, I almost beat her. Do you understand? not slap her, not punch her, but put an honest to god street beating on her. I realized what was happening and left the room before I touched her. I spent the next couple of days considering killing myself. I will not become a danger to my family. I decided to give docs a little longer to get my meds right and so far they have. I.
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