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They never suspected that I had a 440 Magnum in there. All they saw was my tail lights and the dust that I blew up on their windshields. My friend, Ralph, had a ’69 Corvette convertible that his parents bought him for graduating high school. My parents bought me a Timex wristwatch. Anyway, Ralph was always bragging about how fast his car was, and it was. Definitely, it was a chick magnet. He had a different good looking girl with him every time I saw him. And Ralph was not the best looking guy. He was okay, but he looked nothing like yours truly. We were all going down to Cape Cod one summer. We rented a house in Provincetown for a week. There were 8 of us chipping in to rent this place. Ralph followed me down while I had five of my friends in the New Yorker with all the cases of beer in the trunk. ‘Hey, Ralph,’ I said, ‘I bet you that I can blow your doors off.’ ‘No way,’ he said. He had a 350 in his ‘Vette and he knew that I had a 440, five friends, and cases of beer. ‘I’ll bet. "I wasn't desecrating them I was putting flowers on them," I shoutedindignantly.She looked up, her finger sliding the glasses down to the tip of hernose as she glared at me. "That is not a tolerable act, interrupting mein my courtroom while I am reading your charges. So how do you plea thistime 'Mark Feldman'?" she emphasized my legal name."It's not Mark," I answered indignantly. "It's Monique," I said."Ahhh, yes I see here where you've used that as an alias before." Sheswitched her gaze to my defender, "Have you not counseled him that if hewishes to become Monique Feldman he needs to have a therapist anddoctors signatures, as well as a cover letter?" Yes Your Honor, I tried." Very well then in the case of Mark Feldman," It's Monique Damnit. Why can't anyone accept that?" I broke down cryingsinking to the hard tiled floor sobbing in mental pain. "No one acceptsit, not my Mom, not my Dad, no one, only my sister ever accepted it." Your Honor, may I?" I heard someone say."And you are?".
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