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" I know that now," I wanted to explode at him, but Alec was patience incarnate, I couldn't throw a fit in his perfectly arranged living room like a typical teenager, "But I don't know what I can do now. He must hate me." Call him. Undo it." I'm scared." I put my head in my hands so I wouldn't have to look at the honesty in Alec's face. "I'm scared of my dreams, of ... of the flashbacks." I breathed, my chest tight, "There was a moment when I thought ... but it wasn't him. I'm so screwed up. Maxie deserves better."I was surprised to find Alec holding my hand, more surprised to find myself in tears."Let Maxie decide what he deserves. Here," Alec handed me a card, "I think you should go and talk to my friend. He has a standing appointment booked for you. If you take the bus now you'll get there in time." But..." How could I tell my secrets to a stranger? It had taken me ages to even think of telling Maxie, and I was in love with him. Even in my head the words hurt. I was in love with. "How are you feeling now?" A little better, I'm sorry for trying to kill myself. I didn't mean to hurt you and Dad. I just felt so awful."Mom hugged me again, "That's okay honey, we understand that you're going through some tough times. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I need to take you to the MORFS center in Des Moines."I started to whine, "Do I have to? I don't wanna go out and certainly not to a big city looking like this."Mom however was adamant, "Yes you do and we're going early tomorrow morning as the roads are still passable at the moment. Who knows how much snow we are going to get this winter?"I pouted at her, but she didn't budge. I went to bed early as I didn't feel like watching any TV that night. I've been going to bed on my own for quite a long time already, so I was unpleasantly surprised that my parents came to my room to tuck me in. I whined, "Why are you here? I don't need tucking in or something. I'm not a small kid anymore."Mom shushed me, "You're our.
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