She took off the pants she was wearing again, an older pair of sweat pants, and handed them to Charity. ‘Out with them!’ Charity said. ‘Out!’ Clara said, and Charity echoed: ‘Exactly, ugly!’ ‘But look at this!’ Charity said next pointing to Clara’s white cotton panties, that had a tear at the waist band. ‘Where’s your drawer for panties?’ Charity wanted to know and Clara went to the bureau drawer and opened it. It was filled only with the same kind of panties. ‘Okay,’ Charity said severely, ‘Cut them all up, every one of them!’ ‘All?’ Clara asked, wide eyed. ‘All,’ Charity said clearly. Clara began to cut up her panties. One after another everyone in the drawer got cut up and disposed of until the drawer was empty. Clara stood there not knowing what to do next but realizing that she’d be told what to do. ‘Those!’ Charity said, pointing to the panties that Clara was wearing. Clara was nervous but by now had no will to assert to stop the process. ‘Yes,’ she said, realizing that she’d. I was sitting on a bench, as far from the streetlights as I could get. Somewhere in the park, a group was playing in the snow, their squeals of laughter drifting to me along with the snow. "At least someone is happy tonight," I muttered to myself. I certainly wasn't. It had been a couple of weeks since all the joy had gone out of my life . . . since my favorite 'Net site, FictionMania, closed down for good. No family, no friends outside of my on-line ones, a dead-end job. Who wouldn't have been depressed? And the loss of FictionMania was quite literally the straw that was ready to break this camel's back. I swung my foot lazily at the drifting mounds of snow, creating new ripples and patterns with each swipe of my shoe. I was full of "If Only" statements, like "If Only I'd written more" and "If Only I'd tried to do something to be more helpful" and "If Only I'd taken a stand against the riff-raff" and "If Only I hadn't quit writing." Lots of "If Only-s," but only one.
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