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. in his own inimitable, ass-hole fashion, of course. Three days ago he held this press conference, at which he told the national media boys what kind of royal screwing he was taking at the hands of the Vice Squad.Ho hum, right? Sour grapes from a well-known loser-about- town, right? Yeah, well, that's the way I had it figured, too. When he first told me about the conference--the night before it was to be given--I freaked out, hollered I'd divorce him if he didn't call it off. I shouldn't have put it like that. He started breaking the furniture into kindling with his bare hands, then said he'd do the same to me if I ever mentioned the word again. Hey, like I said, he scared me. And I don't mean the kind of scared like I get under the flipping ass of a Great Dane, or a snow leopard. I wouldn't mind dying in the grip of an oversexed orang-utan... but getting hit by a garbage truck would be preferable to having Harold strangle me. Anyway, I told him I was joking about the divorce and. "Down here!" I yelled out."Where?" In the cellar!" What are you doing down there?" the door squealed open."Fighting off the Daddy Longlegs," I replied, knowing that would keep her from coming down the steps."We're all ready to go." I'm sorry. I came down here to check out the furnace and water heater- -I've gotten a bit tied up. You all just go on without me. Hate to miss the fun, but if I leave now I'll forget what I'm doing."Just like a kid, I squeezed my eyes shut and crossed all my fingers. I have this mechanical aptitude that made my lie perfectly plausible. But I didn't dare believe that I'd be let off the hook. I didn't want to jinx myself in the silence that followed."Okay," came the long sigh at last. I pumped a fist in the air! "Suit yourself. We won't be back 'til late afternoon, so you'll have to fend for yourself at lunchtime." No problem. Have some fun for me, okay?" Okay." A bit frosty in the tone."We'll go out to Lucky's Steak House for dinner, okay?"No response."And I.
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