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No exceptions. Headed downstairs to the No. 6 subway, an incoming train sends a frigid blast whistling up my legs. Stepping sideways down the stairs, I keep my thighs squeezed tightly as my 4 inch heels allow, which sadly isn't much. Short strides, one step at a time. One foot down and then the other, gingerly as an elderly woman with a bad hip. Not just the prying cold but my modesty at stake: commuters headed upstairs from below could, from a certain angle, catch a furtive glimpse of my womanhood. A risk I endure but can never embrace-the "inadvertent" threat of exhibitionism. Constantly. What I'd give to get back to normal: flat shoes, conservative pantsuit, and most of all some warm cotton panties. Just a day-one single day- where I didn't have to struggle with the ?secret? between my legs. Even a whisper of pubic hair, a single strand- just something less than bare down there. Less exposed. Less degraded. To feel like a free woman again, if only for a moment. Of not having to. ” “GRRRRR, I can’t tonight, I have too much to do. I’m not doing it tonight,” I said. Later that night as we were driving to the bowling alley. Jeanine couldn’t stop talking about Matt. My thoughts were if you have to build him up this much to me, then you date him. Finally, I told her, “I’m here in this car, I don’t want to meet this guy, so please, just be quiet.” Jeanine faced the window with that pouty mouth she always used on Kent to get her way. “That’s not going to work with me. It may work on Kent, but not me,” I managed to stammer out. Jeanine and I are best friends and she knew how to get to me. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll be nice to him,” I said. “Now stop talking about Matt.” We both laughed.To be honest, I think I was more excited than I wanted them to know. The truth was I hadn’t had a date in over a year because I threw myself into my classes after the move in with the ex-boyfriend. I wanted to finish graduate school, get my degree and get out into the world, but I knew deep.
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