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"Christ Almighty! What the hell did you do to your other leg?" When they yanked me out of the burning house, they weren't too gentle with me. Why? What's wrong?" I asked."Have you tried to stand on this leg?" the doctor asked.My heart sank and I answered, 'No. I was set down on the stretcher. To tell you the truth, I don't remember much of it. Not until I got here, anyway."Grabbing the chart, he started reading it, shaking his head as he went."You were trying to fall asleep. Now you're wide-awake. Classic signs of shock. John, the first thing I need to do is get this cast off you. Then you're getting a trip to X-ray. Have your parents been called?"I realized he hadn't asked me that question, but I heard a nurse give an affirmative response. Just what I needed. My mother would drag my father here in the middle of the night, just so they could wait.The sound of the saw that cut off the cast was enough to make my skin crawl. The only good thing was that it was quick, although the dead. It now reads: Marv’s the name, accounting’s my game. I like reading. My shoe size is 6. Not an ounce of body fat. I have been called both funny and cute. —- The Story of Emily —- Emily was the first to tell me the story that Margie had told her friends about me. After my most recent dates, I decided to screen future prospective girlfriends on the phone and many of those calls didn’t last long. Many of the women I interviewed reeked of insincerity and weird curiosity. Odd questions, odd responses. In my screening call with Emily, she was brutally honest when I asked her why she had reached out to me. ‘…. I figured the story was bull shit,’ she said, ‘but, I really wanted to know what kind of dork goes out with Margie.’ ‘And,’ she added, ‘something else caught my eye.’ ‘Really, what was that?’ I asked. ‘Your Warby-Parker glasses,’ she said. I don’t wear Warby-Parkers. I have gray, military style acetate BCGs. You can buy them on-line for about $32. I was debating whether to correct.
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