You sure you're OK?"What could I say? That I didn't feel bad or even upset? I had made mypeace with never seeing him again years ago. Now I was just angry atmyself for agreeing to review the charts. "Yeah, I'm fine. Justanother patient."I pushed through the doors and saw Stephen and Kara, his wife, sittingthere. Expectant. They teach you all kinds of shit in med school, butthere's no class in managing expectations. Or there is, but it's aboutmaintaining clinical distance. Which, as I looked at Stephen's face,wasn't an option. Since I was a little kid, 5 to his 7, I could tellwhat he was feeling just by looking in his eyes. Happy, sad, angry, allin his eyes. And what I saw far, abject fear, mixed with pain. "Hey,Steve. Hey, Kara," I offered.Kara took his hand and squeezed it, and looked in his eyes. She gavehim a little smile, as if to say it would be all OK. And I was jealous.Of Steve, who inherited the family business from my father and wasbarely keeping it afloat. . When it was time to drop her back at home she would be quite 'clingy' and kept asking if I wanted to come in for a cuppa or did I want to see her garden, I always declined and put it down to her loneliness.Then one time when she was paying me she gave me a very generous £10 tip, after accepting it she left the purse open, I could see a big bunch of 20's in there, she said in that soft Irish accent."You can have more if you want it?" Then, looking me straight in the eye she added."Im very grateful for your help" At the time I thought she was testing me but there was something in the way she looked at me, at the time I couldn't put my finger on it.The day it started was a tuesday in April, we'd been on our usual trip to the hospital.Arriving back at Claire's bungalow I pulled the car onto her driveway.She got the purse out and paid me then, as usual, asked if I'd like to come look at her garden.Normally I would have said no but this time I was actually dying for a pee! So accepted and.
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