Maybe it wasbecause he seemed so unique. Or maybe it was because he was so differentfrom me. What ever it was, I immediately developed a dangerous school girlcrush.After an hour or so of casual conversation, something strange came overme. Without thinking and without sugar-coating, I took hold of the discussion and abruptly changed the subject.“So, do you do anything else?” I asked.“Other than what?” He responded cautiously.“Other than deal d**gs.”“Such as?”“I don’t know. I mean, like, do you ever sell pussy?”There was a definite uncomfortable silence. The energy in the roomslipped to below zero. He became uncomfortable, agitated, angry.“Now why the fuck would ask me something like that?”“I don’t know,” I desperately tried to cover the hole I had dug for myself.“Nobody asks a question like that without a reason.”“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. Nevermind.”Another uncomfortable pause. He stood and began pacing around theroom. He nervously rubbed his hand across his smoothly shaved head. . Tears came. Shit. Allie used to do the front since it was mostly open, and I’d do that back. We had two mowers, one being a zero turn that was actually fun to zip around on and a sub-compact tractor with a big deck on it. Allie loved the little RZT. Her part was always done in minutes. Mine was measured hours.I was going to miss her more and more, every time my mind went back. Every time I remembered something we shared, did together, bought, anything like that, I’d go back and grieve again. Our grief counselor told us that. There was no cure for grief but time. Time and staying busy, if possible. Life moves on, and we needed to move on with it. Not forgetting our loved ones but instead taking their memory forward with us as we went.Ah, yes, the shower felt good. Warm, then hot, then cooler. Not cold. I’m not a glutton for punishment, but cooler so that the body heat from mowing would dissipate. I hate to get out of a shower still sweating. That’s just nasty. I found myself thinking.
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