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He would not come within several blocks of one at night. Even now he kept glancing out the window, wishing the last of the clouds would disperse and let the sun out. He thought he could tolerate it if it were in bright sunlight."Really, Sandra, you should be a little more appreciative of your husband," sniffed Marilyn."For the thousandth damn time, Marilyn, he is not my husband anymore."Don't fucking remind me, Richie thought."The Lord does not recognize such follies of man," said Marilyn. "In His eyes, the both of you are husband and wife. You would do well to remember that." And you'd do well to remember that I left the Catholic Church about ten fucking years ago."Marilyn gasped in an appropriately dramatic fashion and sniffed. She turned her head away in disdain.Richie smirked. Seeing his mother get angry with her sister was worth it if it shut her up. If they were lucky, Aunt Marilyn would no longer expect their yearly visit anymore.The car remained quiet until Sandra pulled. "I was just thinking maybe what Sandra needs is one of those spicy story books. Maybe Laura's Toes—it's so popular this year. Pretty hot stuff, don't you agree?" True, true," Mrs. Claus said. "Laura's Toes is certainly my favorite, but I was thinking more along the lines of a vibrating dildo. One of those new three-speed babies. Fast. Slow. Ho-ho-ho!"Santa nodded sagely. "Good idea. And batteries to go with, right?" Of course," Mrs. Claus confirmed. "What good's a vibrating dildo without batteries? So that settles that—one of the new Unicorn Hummers." But wait," Santa said, examining the stock. "What color? Seems they come in silver and gold." Oh, that's right," said Mrs. Claus. "Hm." Her keen eyes carefully regarded the Hummers, the sleekly smooth shafts gleaming in workshop light. "They're both very attractive." So let's just say gold," Santa said, about to toss the gold Unicorn 3-Speed Hummer into his sack.Mrs. Santa stopped him. "Gold might not go." What do you mean, 'might not.
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