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I'd been playing with myself since late in the fourth grade. I discovered the drawer where my father hid his Playboys, and for some reason, it just seemed natural to put one hand all the way in my pocket for a bit, then pull down my shorts or unzip my pants and massage myself while looking at the pictures and the cartoons. Not that I understood many of the cartoons, but the drawing was good. Real good.It was sometime in that summer when I had the latest centerfold spread out on Mom and Dad's bed. He was at work and I think she'd gone to the Food Basket with Mrs. Fish to do her weekly shopping. We were a one car family back then, and Mrs. Fish drove Mom to the store once a week.Anyway, I had my play toy out and was fascinated with the picture. She had read hair, done up in a loose pony tail, you know, sort of tied with a rubber band or something but the hair kind of fluffed out behind her head. It wasn't a full on back shot, kind of a three quarter shot. Her butt was superb. Round and. Was I glad? Did I feel I'd betrayed my late wife? Most important, did I want to continue the budding relationship?Remembering the firmness and subtle strength of Terry's body as it reacted to my touch, her eagerness to please and her desire to be pleased, how could I not be glad to have such a woman in my bed. That was the easy bit. The guilt was there, although whether it was really guilty feelings or just the desire for my love to be back I wasn't truly certain, but I did know that my heart still belonged to Jane, even if my mind had let her go.The third question was the real dilemma, and it took a long time to work it out. Physically I definitely wanted more of Teresa, mentally, too, as I enjoyed our talks almost as much as our lovemaking. Emotionally, I was scared of not being able to love her, and also selfishly, of being hurt again if I did. In the end, I could not find a convincing enough reason why I shouldn't continue to see her.I checked my bedside clock and was amazed to.
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