His package bulged out of the front of the Speedo and I was convinced he had to have it padded with socks or something. Had to be.The girls immediately started cat calling and whistling, dollar bills waving in the air which attracted the attention of Mr. Hottie McHotstuff, or whatever his silly stage name was. I sat in the seat furthest from the stage and turned my attention to my phone to look at anything but guy flesh.Mr. Spraytan eventually showed up at our table with a shirtless six-pack and cut-off jean shorts to take our drink order; him I couldn’t ignore. His name tag said he was “Rodney.”“Hello, sir, ladies, what would you all like to drink?” he asked. He was pleasant and charming, his voice confident but polite. And it made me hate him all the more. Isn’t there some sort of health code against serving food and drinks shirtless? If not, there should be.“I’ll take a huge helping of this-” Jess said, reaching for Spraytan’s ass cheek. I grabbed her wrist an inch from it,. ”“It’s a painting, Mum. Paintings don’t disappear when they’re finished. What’s he going to say when he comes home and sees it?”“He’ll know it isn’t real. He’ll understand.”I was beginning to think Angie had the right idea. If I had an arm to stick in my mouth, I could have chewed on it instead of just grinding my teeth together.“He won’t understand at all, Mum. He gets really upset by things like this. You know that.”“But he said Tara needs to be punished.”She was pouting like a – well, like me when I don’t get my way.“I’m sure he did, Mum. But he probably meant she should be grounded or made to wear a silly hat that says ‘I’m a bully!’ or something stupid like that. You have to stop this or you’ll make Dad really unhappy.”I could see I was starting to get through to her.She looked at me and then at the painting and then over at Tara and Sam who still held their poses. Well, Tara didn’t have much choice but Sam was still holding his pose.“It does look a bit ... pornographic, doesn’t.
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