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That’s where I am with the pain and suffering that I’ve had with my relationships.”“Did you honestly believe that you could trick Fate or the universe or God or whatever by pretending you weren’t serious with Stephie? That’s just foolish, Steve. I don’t think you’re fooling anyone, except perhaps yourself.”“Well, that makes it fucking unanimous,” I sighed. “I guess I’m so afraid of getting hurt again that I’ve done what Karin accused me of doing - closing and locking my heart to prevent anyone from getting in.”“Is THAT why you’re keeping me at arm’s length, Steve Adams? Because you’re afraid you’ll get hurt?”“I guess that’s true,” I said quietly. “Certainly the people who know me best think so.”“But what do you think? What the rest of us think doesn’t matter a whole lot.”“I don’t know what to think. I’m confused as hell. The solution I see is so counter-intuitive, as you said, that I’m not sure I can really wrap my head around it. It just doesn’t make sense that avoiding suffering. "I can't wait until I see someone get initiated." It's more fun when you participate, like Mary and Tracy." Oooo, I can imagine! Whewww, it would be great." You think you'd like playing around with their tits and pussy, holding their legs apart?" Ellen was creaming her jeans.Out loud, such desires sounded dirty. Patsy blushed, but nodded anyway."Maybe you can," Ellen said."Uh... what about Tracy and Mary?" Her heart was racing."Tracy's moving to California in a few weeks. You could take her place." Really? Wow... that would be wonderful!" You have to prove yourself first," Ellen said."How? I'll do anything." The words came rushing out before she had a chance to think."I knew I was right about you," Ellen said, anticipating the afternoon ahead.Patsy was reeling. The things she was admitting to had been in her mind constantly since her initiation yesterday. They were thoughts she didn't understand. It was as if stripping and being fondled in public had unleashed hidden passions she had.
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