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”“Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”“Yes. What can I do for you?”“I’m calling to report ‘bout my neighbor Virgil Smith ... He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there.”“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.“Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd ... Did the Sheriff come?”“Yeah!”“Did they chop your firewood?”“Yep!”“Happy Birthday, buddy!”Whoever said that rednecks weren’t sentimental?This compliments of the ‘Shy One’For all men and women that remember the past, ... how different we are.A wife was curious when she found an old negative in a drawer and had it made into a print.She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer. She tried to pull away, but he put his weight on it and twisted his foot, making her scream with pain. He lifted his foot off her and reached down to feel the effect he had had, fondling her left breast and squeezing it, then turned her over so that her other breast was on the floor. This time he stomped his heel down on her breast first then stepped on it and ground on it with his heel, as if he was putting out a cigarette. This time when he felt her right breast, he smiled a wicked grin and then grabbed her by the tits and pulled her to her feet. He whispered in her ear while he grabbed her tits and squeezed each of them in turn. He took a switchblade out of his pocket and put the open blade on Sally’s face while he made threatening gestures in her face. Suddenly, he slugged her again in the stomach as hard as he could and knocked her to the floor. He turned her on her side with his foot and stomped on her left breast again several times with his heel against the hardwood floor..
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