Watching the bus. And watching it leave. I still stood there.Fuck. I couldn't do it. Again. Maybe the next one. Or a lorry.It was one of the bad days. There are only bad days now. Some are justbad, some are worse. But never good days. The days where I can't standit. The days I can't look into a mirror without getting theoverwhelming compulsion to smash it. Rather with my head than anythingelse. Maybe I would bleed to death then.But I did nothing. I never did anything. I just felt miserable.Sometimes more, sometimes less. But always miserable. I moved hereyears ago. Trying to find new opportunities. Tried to be unknown. Butto be honest, I never had many friends. Except for Ian. My family,well, we're never been close. My mum contacted me sometimes, sayingshe's sad I moved away and always being so distant. My dad ran awaywhen I was little. Maybe he was my role model and inspired me to runaway as well. Don't know if he had the same motives though.The only person I always got along with. She picks up after herself, does her share. She's fun, and now we sleep together, she's good sex, too. We had a few lonely days that we filled by getting used to each other in bed. No problems there. She said eating each other isn't enough, and I agree, but it helped until we found some guys who fit in with us.We went looking down the hallway on this floor after we got our room set up. No one there who looks like a potential lover or even much of a friend. There's a girl next door who seems okay, but that's all, and her roommate is a slob.Once classes started, things got better. I have English 101A (that's for kids who can read), Economics 101, American History, Humanities, and Statistics 101. The reading list for Humanities is huge, same for English and Eco. But that's all right. It looks like Statistics is going to be a bitch. I hope we can find a study partner for that.There isn't much spare time, and I miss that. I'm looking for someplace I can get on a horse, ride a little. I.
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