"Get 'em. Whatever you or they need for the party," I told her."Okay, big brother. If that's what you want," Nicky replied."And Nicky? Would you help the Princesses and Kalani and Vicki with a travel wardrobe for the next three weeks? Get whatever they need." Are you kidding? Of course I will. I love spending your money!" Nicky said happily. She had already started relaying my instructions to the others, and I could feel the excitement building.Finally, Nicky told me, "I gotta go Michael; Vickie is out getting another gown to try on, and she needs my help." Okay, Sweetheart. I love you. Have a good time," I told my sister."Oh, don't worry. With you forcing all of us to buy these clothes, you know we will," she said happily. "And you had better get some rest, because there will be more than one of us that will be wanting to thank you properly later!" she said as she giggled."Yeah!" rang a chorus of female thoughts! I should have remembered they could all hear me.I guess I should get. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry for the future that holds no joy for me. I cry and I wonder how I can go on feeling this way, lost and alone. I cry, with the knowing that I am lost, confused and alone. Each day I cry. Each day I worry. I worry that I can and will not make it..
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