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I realized that this had been our life for a couple of years now. I was still trying to keep it alive – flowers, dinners out, a weekend away. I spent hours trying to get her the right thing for Christmas last year – agonized over what to get. I went to three malls and went through all their jewelry and in the end bought her a diamond necklace, and also shooting lessons - for her and me. I thought it might be fun for us to do it together. While I paid for them, we did one and never went back. Just never found the time, I guess.But now I thought about it, she never did that for me. Each year she just demanded an email of links for items on Amazon and that was that. There was no thought. There was no concern. There was the act of the purchase, but I did all the work for her. She didn't think about a gift for me at all. She just clicked the link, put in the credit card info and that was that. Gift giving done.I was just suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. We were done. All that I had found. Instead of feeling bad about what you see, you feel good about it ... and the next time, please ask to join in. I, for one, would want you anytime.”Marcia nodded. “I see what you mean. It’s a mindset.” We continued to dance around where this conversation could end up.“Exactly. YOU decide whether to be jealous or not, happy or not, angry or not. That’s the conscious you, not the ego-based knee-jerk reaction you. YOU make the judgment. Most people buy into judgments that other people make, or that institutions such as a church make for them. Shakespeare said, ‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’ Do your own critical thinking.”“Most people would say YOU have a lot of indiscriminate sex.” She laughed as she said the crass statement.I retorted with a smile, “And I could say there’s not enough time for all the sex that I want to have with all the people that I want to love.” I put emphasis on the ‘I’. We both laughed.After a long silence and some maneuvering as.
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