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. Number one!" He smiled. "I'm really glad you're here too!" You mean to say nobody else, in all of human history, has ever been damned to Hell before?" Uhhhhh..." Satan looked at me very apologetically, "No. I mean ... Yeah. That about sums it up." But what did I do? I mean, I killed myself, so what? Zillions of folks do that all the time! I lied, I cheated at Monopoly, I fucked every chance I got, drank, did drugs, shoplifted, kicked a dog, strangled a cat almost to death once, ummm ... I swear a lot, I eat meat on Fridays, masturbate during confession, and plot to seduce my father. Now tell me, I'm the only one in Hell just because of that?" Hmmm ... That and, well, I asked for you." You asked for me?" Yeah. God drew to an inside straight, always a bad idea, and well, I had a pair of fives." I'm in Hell because God lost at cards?" Uhhhh ... Yeah." To a pair of fives?"He nodded."Jesus Christ!" I swore."He folded." Satan smiled as he remembered the hand in question, somewhat. " I don't go much for formality. You can call me Livia, or you can call me Priestess."Rev. Shelton smiled. "You can call me Paul, Livia."Sitting down at her desk, she folded her hands. "So, to what do I owe this honor? My church has been in Omaha for nearly five years, and this is the first time the Ecumenical Society has visited us."They all sat down on the couch, they shifted uncomfortably. They all had erections that were uncomfortable in their pants.The rabbi held up his hands, as he and his two cohorts sat down on the sofa. "We meant no disrespect. It's just that we are used to dealing with churches that are more, well Judeo-Christian in nature." But that is not really true, now is it? You count as members of the OES, a mosque and a Buddhist monastery. Or am I mistaken?"The balding Fr. Lind nodded sheepishly. "You are correct. But you are the first pagan church we have reached out to. No offense." No offense taken. The Church of Love teaches not to hold petty grudges, and not.
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