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Before I destroyed it all with my stupidity.And what made it even worse for me was that the last man inside me, the last man to have my body wasn't even my husband! It was Hugo! The man that I let destroy my marriage and send the man I love to prison! Hugo! Even now, that thought makes me sick. Sick at heart as well as sick to my stomach. When the memory surfaces, as it does on those days when the world seems to have it in for me, I end up on the floor in the bathroom, still wet from the shower that never seems to make me feel clean. And regardless of what they say, time hasn't made it any less. It is still as vivid in my memory as the day it happened. And I hate it! I pray that I can forget it, but so far my prayers haven't been answered.Enough! It was done and it was over. Stop wishing and saying sorry over and over. It doesn't help anything! And stop waiting for fate to come along and punish you so it can then forgive you! God doesn't punish the guilty and reward the innocent!. I wondered if I had done something wrong, and waited nervously to hear what it was, but looked up into his eyes trying to show that I was eager to please, and to help in any way that I could."Jennifer, my dear, you asked several days ago if there was anything you could do to help, and assured me that you were willing to do anything that you were able to do. So far we haven't taken you up on the offer. Frankly my men are so good at surviving in the jungle, something that you obviously know nothing about, there really hasn't been anything you could do to help them. But it is beginning to look as though I might need to ask you to help after all. We really do have a rather serious problem. There has been no sign of search aircraft, so obviously the people back home do not know where we are. I fear that we are going to be here for a long time."I nodded sagely, trying to look as though I trusted him to save us, and wanting to make it clear that I would do whatever it was that he thought I.
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